It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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