when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
