The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
