all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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