I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
