Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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