Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
