The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
