as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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