he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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