Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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