You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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