Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
