Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize