An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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