Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
