Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
