she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
