You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
