why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
