I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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