We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
