Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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