Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
