i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"