Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.

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  (419): it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants. http://tfl.nu/uvta
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.

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  (859): make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through. http://tfl.nu/bvv7
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  (713): View more from Texas

  when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed

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  (713): when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed http://tfl.nu/1ijl
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.

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  (305): Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend. http://tfl.nu/xxmf
  Replies (6) Good night (3842) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.

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  (503): She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis. http://tfl.nu/3s19
  Replies (47) Good night (8598) Bad night (2007) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  & he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'

  (636): View more from Missouri

  HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!

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  (636): & he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut' (636): HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!! http://tfl.nu/1ay1
  Replies (14) Good night (1286) Bad night (3081)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.

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  (414): Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch. http://tfl.nu/js8y
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.

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  (512): I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog. http://tfl.nu/2ss8
  Replies (3) Good night (1143) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.

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  (214): There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/17ls
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad

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  (803): My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad http://tfl.nu/1ob8
  Replies (3) Good night (1742) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again

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  (563): dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again http://tfl.nu/9093
  Replies (1) Good night (792) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.

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  (860): I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us. http://tfl.nu/pfss
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  successful birthday. 2012 rules

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  (843): dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance.. (1-843): successful birthday. 2012 rules http://tfl.nu/1z4y
  Replies (1) Good night (494) Bad night (976)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome

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  (269): Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome http://tfl.nu/saqv
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?

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  (803): Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick? http://tfl.nu/r3gk
  Replies (4) Good night (1294) Bad night (188) Order T-Shirt

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