I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
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I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
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Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂