My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..