Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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