Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
