I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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