I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
