She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
