so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
