apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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