I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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