Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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