You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
