Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
tell me about the fingering
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
