Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
