party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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