I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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