This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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