and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
