I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
