so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
