wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
