I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
