She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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