probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
