You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
pop tarts are not kleenex
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
