You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
