hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am mentally ready for anal.
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