i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
