I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
