Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.