just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.