moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dating After Heartbreak
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.