my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im so drunk with asians
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead