he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?