so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
