I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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