It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
