bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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