I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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