just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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