How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
